Compliment Sandwich

A first grader complimented my beard, and it broke my heart. I was eating lunch outside (a sandwich I made like I do every weekday), and as first graders were walking to Art, one of them said, “I didn’t know you had a beard. You look cool with a beard.”

Just like that. Matter of fact. Something he noticed, and something he liked.

My heartbreak took me by surprise. It came hard and fast after an initial internal smile. I love compliments as much as the next person, but I especially love them from kids. Maybe it’s because it’s a form of acceptance from the only group I prioritize among all others or because kids are fluent in honesty and earnestness. Either way, they stay with me.

This one stayed with me, but with a heavy coat of dejection. In that compliment was the realization that this student, new this year, had never seen my face. It’s March. It’s March, and this student has never known what I actually look like. He’s never seen me smile or purse my lips when I’m thinking of a response to a teacher’s question on the playground or make any number of weird faces as I go through the day.

We’ve been on campus since September, and I think of all the people whose voices and warmth he knows but whom he wouldn’t recognize at the grocery store. I think about all the people in all the students’ lives who would be strangers if they did show their face. I think about it all, the new normal, at least for the time being, and it hurts.

And after it hurts, I take a breath, I take a bite, and I swim in that compliment. I let it just be simple. Life is complicated. There is so much to unearth every single day, pandemic or not (but also especially in a pandemic). After I dig myself out of that hole, I savor the bite of my turkey sandwich and I relish the warmth that such a simple sentence gave me.

Everyday I make a sandwich for lunch. There’s something mini-ritualistic about it that helps to break up my day, helps bring balance, and also sandwiches are just delicious. Something so simple brings me a sense of calm in the middle of the day. And when a first grader gave me a simple compliment, I was reminded that there are endless opportunities throughout everyday to delve deeply into all of it. That’s okay. Just make sure to come back up and breathe a breath of simplicity when you’re done.